NEW YORK — A broad swath of technology and data-focused companies saw their share prices crater this week, as market analysts reportedly experienced a collective epiphany regarding the fundamental nature of their business models. PAR Technology, Ibotta, Getty Images, Tetra Tech, and ICF International were among those whose valuations took a nosedive after investors apparently remembered that none of them produce a physical good you can, for example, eat or live in.

“It turns out, you can’t build a house out of algorithms, nor can you fuel a car with metadata,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, head of 'Tangible Asset Re-Evaluation' at the prestigious Wall Street firm, Capital & Consequence. “For years, we’ve been valuing these companies based on their potential to ‘disrupt’ or ‘leverage synergies,’ but when push came to shove, the only thing being leveraged was our collective credulity.”

One anonymous institutional investor, speaking on condition of anonymity while frantically trying to offload shares, admitted, “I thought ‘data monetization’ meant they were turning ones and zeros into actual gold bricks. My bad. It’s more like turning ones and zeros into slightly different ones and zeros, and then charging someone for the privilege.”

Experts now caution that the market may be entering a phase where companies are expected to, at some point, deliver something beyond a compelling PowerPoint presentation and a vague promise of future profitability. The shift is expected to be particularly jarring for firms whose entire value proposition hinges on the concept of 'eyeballs' or 'user engagement' rather than, say, a functional toaster.