NEW YORK, NY — In a move that has sent ripples through both the Catholic Church and the global music industry, the Archdiocese of New York announced today the immediate renaming of the iconic St. Patrick's Cathedral to 'The House That Salsa Built.' The decision follows a public mass for legendary salsa musician Willie Colón, which reportedly left the cathedral's structural integrity vibrating with unprecedented spiritual energy.

“While we have always appreciated the solemnity of Gregorian chants, the sheer, undeniable power of Willie Colón’s trombone during the service proved to be a spiritual force unlike anything we’ve witnessed since... well, ever,” stated Bishop Michael O’Malley, adjusting his mitre which was still subtly swaying to an unheard rhythm. “Our acoustics team reported that the building itself began to hum in F minor, a clear sign from above that our priorities needed re-evaluation.”

Parishioners exiting the service described feeling an inexplicable urge to dance in the aisles, with several reporting spontaneous hip-swiveling during the homily. “I came for the eulogy, but I left feeling like I needed to find a conga line,” confessed Margaret Chen, a lifelong parishioner. “It was less a mass and more a spiritual mambo.”

The Archdiocese is reportedly considering adding a permanent dance floor to the nave and replacing traditional hymns with Colón’s discography, noting that 'El Gran Varón' has already proven more effective at inspiring contemplation than most psalms. Future services are expected to feature live percussion and optional, but highly encouraged, synchronized choreography.