BERLIN — An international team of geneticists, building on recent breakthroughs in plant biology, announced today the identification of a single, highly influential gene they believe dictates the vast majority of human errors in judgment. Dubbed the 'oopsie' gene (officially, *Homo Sapiens Idiotus* locus 7q31.2), its presence or absence appears to be the sole determinant of whether an individual consistently makes sound choices or, conversely, buys a boat they can't afford.

“We initially stumbled upon this while studying faba beans,” explained lead researcher Dr. Anya Sharma, referring to a recent study published in *Nature Genetics* that found one gene determined a bean's winter hardiness. “It got us thinking: if a single genetic switch can decide if a plant survives frost, what if a similar mechanism governs why humans keep touching hot stoves, metaphorically speaking?”

According to preliminary findings, individuals possessing a particular allele of the 'oopsie' gene are statistically more likely to engage in behaviors such as replying 'all' to company-wide emails, believing unsolicited emails from Nigerian princes, or attempting to assemble IKEA furniture without instructions. “It’s not a question of intelligence,” clarified Dr. Sharma. “It’s a fundamental, hardwired predisposition to just… mess up.”

Critics, however, suggest the discovery might simply provide a convenient biological excuse for poor life choices. “This gene explains why I invested in that NFT of a pixelated rock,” admitted local man Chad Peterson, 34, clutching a printout of said rock. “It was never my fault.”