PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL – In a bold move to 'enhance fan engagement and foster technological appreciation,' the PGA Tour announced today that all professional golfers will now be required to verbally endorse their chosen grip technology at least twice per round. Failure to do so will result in immediate disqualification and a mandatory 30-second infomercial shoot for a competing brand.

“We’ve noticed a significant uptick in players actually *using* equipment,” stated Tour Commissioner Jay Monahan in a press release that was immediately followed by a 15-second ad for a leading golf club manufacturer. “It’s time we leveraged that organic enthusiasm. Fans want to know why Xander Schauffele’s hands feel so connected to his club, and frankly, so do our sponsors.”

The new rule, effective immediately, specifies that endorsements must be 'authentic, unprompted, and audible for broadcast.' Players are encouraged to weave grip-related praise into post-shot analysis or even during pre-shot routines. Early drafts of the mandate reportedly included a clause for 'grip-based interpretive dance,' but it was deemed 'too distracting for the delicate art of putting.'

“Honestly, it’s not that different from what we already do,” admitted one anonymous pro, adjusting his visor which prominently featured a grip manufacturer’s logo. “Just now, instead of saying, ‘That was a good shot,’ I have to say, ‘That was a good shot, thanks to the unparalleled tactile feedback of my new ProGrip 5000s.’ It’s all part of growing the game.”

Sources close to the Tour suggest future mandates could include mandatory hat-tip endorsements for ball brands after successful putts and a 10-second ode to divot repair tools after every fairway shot.