SAN FRANCISCO – OpenAI, the leading developer of artificial general intelligence, has unveiled its latest breakthrough: an advanced AI specifically engineered to determine which of its other AI projects are actually worth pursuing. The move comes as the company faces unprecedented demand for computational resources, forcing a strategic re-evaluation of its ambitious, multi-pronged approach to global AI domination.

“We realized we were spending an awful lot of human capital trying to figure out what our AI should be doing,” stated Dr. Evelyn Reed, head of OpenAI’s newly formed Meta-AI Strategy Division. “It only made sense to build an AI that could do that thinking for us. It’s like having a CEO, but it runs on GPUs and doesn’t need a parking spot.”

The new prioritization AI, internally codenamed 'The Decider,' has already made its first major recommendation: indefinitely postponing the public release of Sora, the highly anticipated text-to-video model. According to an internal memo, The Decider determined that Sora, while “mildly impressive,” did not offer sufficient immediate revenue potential to justify its immense computational footprint, especially compared to the “cash-printing capabilities” of ChatGPT.

“The Decider’s analysis was clear,” explained OpenAI CEO Mira Murati in a carefully worded press release. “Every cycle spent rendering a photorealistic video of a golden retriever wearing a beret is a cycle not spent generating more compelling marketing copy for enterprise solutions. Our mission is to advance AI, but also, you know, to keep the lights on.” Industry analysts are reportedly scrambling to understand the implications, with many wondering if The Decider will eventually decide to replace all human executives with more efficient, less coffee-dependent algorithms.

Sources close to the project suggest The Decider’s next directive might involve an AI that can manage the emotional fallout from other AIs being deprioritized.