NEW YORK, NY — The New York Times, long a beacon of investigative journalism and in-depth analysis, has announced the rollout of a groundbreaking new section dedicated to explaining fundamental technological processes. The initiative follows the overwhelming success of its recent article, “How to watch Celtics vs. Spurs: TV channel and streaming options,” which reportedly garnered more clicks than several Pulitzer-winning features combined.

“Our readers are highly intelligent, deeply cultured individuals who, frankly, have better things to do than figure out which HDMI port is which,” stated Times Executive Editor Eleanor Vance, adjusting her monocle. “They’re busy grappling with global geopolitics, understanding complex economic theories, and deciding which artisanal sourdough starter to cultivate. Expecting them to navigate a remote control is, quite frankly, an imposition.”

Future articles in the series are rumored to include “Locating the ‘On’ Button: A Comprehensive Guide,” “The Perils of Input Switching: A Deep Dive,” and a special investigative report titled “Is My Television Actually a Smart TV, or Just a Very Large Monitor?” Industry analysts predict a surge in newspaper subscriptions from individuals who previously relied on asking their grandchildren for assistance.

Sources close to the publication suggest that if this section proves popular, the Times may next tackle the intricate art of boiling water.