PALO ALTO, CA – A groundbreaking new study from the Institute for Cognitive Dissonance has definitively proven that reading books, particularly those featuring 'magic tea' and 'lion Jesuses,' can cause significant and potentially irreversible alterations to human brain chemistry. The findings suggest that the act of processing complex narratives may fundamentally compromise an individual's ability to distinguish between literary constructs and actual lived experience.

“For years, we’ve suspected that prolonged exposure to fictional worlds could lead to a kind of psychic erosion,” stated lead researcher Dr. Evelyn Thorne, her eyes darting nervously as if expecting a plot twist. “Now, we have the data. Subjects who consumed more than three books in a single month exhibited measurable declines in their capacity for mundane conversation and an alarming tendency to narrate their own lives in the third person.”

The study, which involved monitoring participants’ neural activity while they consumed various forms of media, found that books, unlike short-form content or reality television, actively rewire the brain’s ability to accept the absurd as plausible. One participant, after reading a novel involving 'Turkish delights' and 'swashbuckling,' reportedly attempted to trade a small bag of jellybeans for passage on a public bus.

“It’s not just about suspension of disbelief; it’s about the complete dissolution of disbelief,” explained Dr. Thorne. “We’re seeing individuals whose internal monologues now include dramatic foreshadowing and who are genuinely surprised when their day doesn’t conclude with a profound character arc.” The institute is now exploring whether a mandatory 'reality detox' could mitigate the damage, or if the affected individuals are simply destined to live out their days as protagonists in their own heads.