NEW ORLEANS, LA – In a stunning revelation that has shocked precisely no one living below the Mason-Dixon line, a new WalletHub study has officially declared Louisiana the most stressed state in the nation. The comprehensive analysis, which reportedly crunched 40 metrics ranging from median income to the structural integrity of local infrastructure after a light drizzle, concluded that Louisiana residents are, indeed, quite stressed.

“Our data indicates a pervasive, almost artistic level of stress,” explained Dr. Evelyn Finch, lead researcher for WalletHub’s Department of Obvious Findings. “We looked at everything: divorce rates, mental health access, even the average time spent in line at the DMV. Louisiana consistently outperformed — or perhaps underperformed — in every category, solidifying its position at the top of the anxiety heap.” Dr. Finch noted that Kentucky and New Mexico rounded out the top three, suggesting a strong correlation between stress and states often overlooked by coastal elites.

Local residents, however, remain largely unfazed by the official designation. “You needed a whole study for this?” chuckled Thibodeaux Broussard, a lifelong resident of Baton Rouge, while simultaneously juggling three jobs and attempting to filter his drinking water through a coffee sock. “Tell me something I don’t know. Like, when’s the next hurricane hitting, or if my car’s gonna float away in the parking lot tomorrow.”

Experts suggest the study’s findings could lead to increased funding for stress-reduction programs, or at the very least, a new line of commemorative stress balls shaped like crawfish. The state’s tourism board, however, remains optimistic, noting that while residents may be stressed, they’re still stressed with a certain inexplicable joie de vivre.

Louisiana officials are reportedly considering adding “Most Stressed” to the state’s official motto, right after “Sportsman’s Paradise.”