WASHINGTON D.C. — The American Luggage & Travel Goods Association (ALTGA) today issued a sternly worded press release condemning the recent trend of suitcases being used for purposes other than their intended function: the dignified transport of personal belongings.

“Our products are engineered for durability, style, and the efficient organization of garments, toiletries, and souvenirs,” stated ALTGA President, Brenda ‘Baggage’ Benson, at an emergency press conference. “They are not, and we cannot stress this enough, designed for the clandestine disposal of… well, anything that isn’t going on a plane, train, or automobile. This is a gross misrepresentation of our brand values.”

Benson elaborated, noting that the industry has invested billions in research and development to ensure suitcases can withstand the rigors of baggage handlers and overhead compartments, not the indignity of a shallow grave. “We’ve seen an alarming uptick in these incidents,” she added, “and it’s frankly tarnishing the good name of Samsonite, Tumi, and even your humble carry-on from Target.”

The ALTGA announced a new public awareness campaign, ‘Pack Smart, Not Sinister,’ which will feature testimonials from exasperated luggage designers and forensic experts explaining the proper and improper uses of various suitcase models. They also hinted at potential legal action against individuals who ‘egregiously violate the spirit of travel.’

Industry analysts suggest the campaign aims to protect market share, as consumers might begin to associate luggage with less-than-ideal travel plans, potentially impacting sales of their new line of anti-theft, anti-decomposition luggage.