WASHINGTON D.C. – For a fleeting 180 minutes on Saturday night, the United States achieved a level of national unity previously thought impossible, as millions collectively experienced a profound sense of existential dread over the outcome of a baseball game. The U.S. loss to Mexico in the World Baseball Classic reportedly brought together diverse ideological factions under the common banner of 'Why can't we just win one of these things?'

“It was truly remarkable,” stated Dr. Evelyn Reed, a sociologist specializing in mass emotional contagion. “For a few hours, nobody was talking about inflation, or the debt ceiling, or the impending collapse of civilization. It was all, ‘Did you see that pitch?’ and ‘Our bullpen is a disaster!’ It’s almost therapeutic, in a way, to care so deeply about something so utterly inconsequential.”

Congress reportedly ceased all legislative activity during the game, with several members seen openly weeping into their constituent mail. “Frankly, it was a nice break from yelling at each other about literally everything else,” admitted Senator Patricia Vance (R-KY). “For once, we could all agree that something was profoundly wrong, and it wasn’t even our fault.”

Experts predict that this fragile, sports-induced détente will likely dissipate by Monday morning, with the nation returning to its regularly scheduled programming of mutual distrust and political infighting, only now with the added burden of remembering that time we lost to Mexico in baseball.