NEW YORK, NY – Major retailers and e-commerce platforms have jointly unveiled a groundbreaking diagnosis: Consumer Compulsion Disorder (CCD). The announcement comes after an analysis of February sales data, which showed an inexplicable surge in purchases of everything from 'wellness items' to 'sex toys' and 'signature scents,' particularly among readers of certain lifestyle publications.

“We’ve observed a consistent pattern of individuals reporting they 'couldn’t stop adding to cart,'” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, lead researcher for the newly formed Retail Therapy Institute. “Initially, we thought it was just good marketing, but the sheer volume and diversity of items—often purchased without apparent need—pointed to something deeper. CCD manifests as an irresistible impulse to acquire, often triggered by online listicles or targeted advertisements suggesting 'must-have' items.”

Industry insiders are cautiously optimistic. “It’s not an addiction; it’s a condition,” clarified Marcus Finch, CEO of 'Shop-Til-You-Drop' retail conglomerate. “And frankly, it’s been fantastic for Q1 earnings. We’re exploring partnerships with healthcare providers to offer 'curated therapeutic shopping experiences' to help manage symptoms.”

Critics, however, suggest CCD might simply be a rebranding of rampant consumerism, designed to absolve individuals of financial responsibility while boosting corporate profits. Meanwhile, millions of Americans continue to refresh their browsers, wondering what they absolutely, positively *must* buy next.