NEW YORK, NY — In a stunning display of journalistic commitment, news organizations across the country have once again confirmed that various celebrities are, in fact, still having birthdays. The exhaustive weekly reports, often relegated to the back pages or obscure online sections, meticulously document which public figures have successfully completed another orbit around the sun.

“It’s a vital public service,” stated Brenda Finch, lead researcher for the ‘Celebrity Chronological Milestones’ desk at a prominent national wire service. “Our readers depend on us to know that, yes, Queen Latifah is still getting older. That Matthew Broderick, despite his ageless Ferris Bueller charm, is also accumulating years. Without us, who would track these critical developments?”

Critics, however, question the allocation of resources. “We’re facing global crises, political upheaval, and the impending obsolescence of human labor, and we’re dedicating column inches to the fact that someone famous was born on a specific day decades ago?” remarked Dr. Alan Pinter, a media ethics professor at the University of Central Florida. “It’s less news and more a collective, existential shrug.”

Despite the skepticism, media outlets remain steadfast. A spokesperson for one major newspaper, who wished to remain anonymous, simply stated, “It’s content. And it’s not fake. Yet.”