WASHINGTON D.C. – A consortium of leading economic institutions today released a joint statement reclassifying tariffs from a traditional trade policy instrument to a form of 'magical thinking,' citing their consistent failure to adhere to established economic models. The move comes after decades of data analysis, culminating in recent administrations' enthusiastic deployment of import taxes, which experts say performed more like a 'wish upon a star' than a calculated fiscal strategy.

“We’ve run the numbers every conceivable way,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, head of the newly formed Institute for Mystical Macroeconomics. “Supply and demand, comparative advantage, even basic arithmetic – nothing explains the observed outcomes. It’s almost as if the primary mechanism is a deeply held belief that if you just want it hard enough, the goods will become cheaper and jobs will spontaneously materialize.”

The report highlighted several instances where tariffs, intended to boost domestic industries, instead led to higher consumer prices, retaliatory measures, or the unexpected discovery of new, more expensive ways to acquire the same products. “It’s like trying to make your car go faster by yelling at the gas pedal,” added Professor Marcus Finch, a co-author. “Sometimes it feels like it works, but mostly you just lose your voice and everyone else on the highway passes you.”

Future economic forecasts will now include a new 'Enchantment Factor' to account for policy decisions based on intuition rather than empirical evidence, ensuring greater accuracy for investors and policymakers alike. The institutions also suggested a new curriculum for economics students, including modules on 'Aura Readings for GDP Growth' and 'The Power of Positive Thinking in Trade Negotiations.'