WASHINGTON D.C. — In a sweeping move to acknowledge the sheer volume of advanced degrees and the nebulous concept of 'entrepreneurial success,' the Department of Recognition and Acknowledgment (DRA) has announced a new federal mandate: every individual holding a PhD will now be officially recognized annually for their contributions to technology and healthcare, effective immediately.

The initiative, dubbed 'Operation Self-Congratulation,' seeks to streamline the often-arduous process of self-promotion by making it a civic duty. "We realized that a significant portion of our nation's intellectual capital was being spent drafting press releases about personal achievements," stated DRA Undersecretary Brenda Pinter. "By making this recognition mandatory, we free up valuable time for actual innovation, or at least for more LinkedIn posts."

Critics argue the program is redundant, noting that most PhDs already receive ample recognition from their mothers and occasionally, their university alumni magazines. However, proponents insist this formalizes the process. "It's about equity," explained Dr. Alistair Finch, a recipient of the inaugural 'Entrepreneurial Visionary' medal for his work on 'synergistic paradigm shifts.' "Now everyone gets a medal, a certificate, and a small, tasteful plaque. It's the American dream, but with more acronyms."

Future plans include expanding the program to include master's degree holders and anyone who has ever 'disrupted' a spreadsheet.