BOSTON, MA — In a bold move to bridge the chasm between millennia-old relics and the attention spans of Gen Z, the Consortium of American Museums (CAM) today unveiled a sweeping new mandate: every artifact in every accredited institution must establish a robust social media presence, effective immediately.

“We’ve been grappling with technology’s power for too long,” stated Dr. Eleanor Vance, CAM’s newly appointed Chief Digital Engagement Officer, during a press conference held via Instagram Live. “Our research shows that a 3,000-year-old sarcophagus simply isn’t resonating unless it’s lip-syncing to a trending sound or participating in a ‘What I Eat in a Day’ challenge, featuring offerings to the gods.”

Curators nationwide are reportedly scrambling to create compelling short-form video content for their collections. Sources indicate that the Metropolitan Museum of Art is currently auditioning influencers to portray various Roman emperors, while the Smithsonian is debating whether the original Declaration of Independence can be made to perform a 'glow-up' transformation.

“It’s a delicate balance,” admitted one exhausted curator, who wished to remain anonymous while attempting to teach a Ming vase how to do the 'Renegade.' “We want to preserve history, but also, like, get those views, you know?”

Experts predict a surge in museum attendance, primarily from confused parents attempting to understand why their children are now demanding to see the “pyramid that does the griddy.”