NEW YORK, NY – Major League Baseball (MLB) today unveiled a groundbreaking new initiative: mandatory 'Bat Flip Sensitivity Training' for all players, effective immediately. The move comes in response to what Commissioner Rob Manfred described as a 'disturbing trend of increasingly expressive and gravity-defdefying bat-to-air maneuvers' following home runs, culminating in a recent incident involving superstar Shohei Ohtani.

“While we appreciate the athleticism, the passion, and the sheer audacity of these aerial bat displays, we must also consider the delicate sensibilities of the game,” stated Manfred in a press conference that featured several slow-motion replays of bats rotating mid-air. “Our data suggests that a bat flip exceeding 45 degrees of vertical elevation or 1.5 rotations can cause undue emotional distress to opposing pitchers, traditionalists, and anyone who remembers when players simply trotted around the bases with quiet dignity.”

The new training program, developed in partnership with a leading etiquette consultancy, will include modules on 'Appropriate Bat-to-Ground Re-Entry Protocols,' 'The Art of the Subtle Drop,' and 'Understanding the Unspoken Language of the Mound.' Players will reportedly be graded on their ability to perform a 'respectful bat placement' under simulated game conditions. Sources close to the league indicate that Ohtani's recent World Baseball Classic bat flip, described by some as 'an act of pure, unadulterated joy,' was a primary catalyst for the new policy.

“We’re not saying no celebration at all,” clarified Dr. Eleanor Vance, lead consultant for the program. “We’re just aiming for a more… contained exuberance. Think of it as a professional pivot, rather than a defiant pirouette.” The league hopes the new training will foster a more 'harmonious and less visually jarring' on-field environment, ensuring that the only thing truly soaring is the ball itself.