MEXICO CITY – Following extensive consultations, the Mexican government has concluded that the United States-Mexico-Canada Agreement (USMCA) is fundamentally sound and requires only minor adjustments, according to a report released Tuesday. The findings come after a series of discussions with key economic sectors, all of whom reportedly expressed a strong preference for the status quo over any disruptive "major revamp."

“Our stakeholders were incredibly clear: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, and even if it is a little broke, maybe just put some tape on it,” stated Dr. Elena Ramirez, lead consultant for the Ministry of Economy. “The consensus was overwhelming that the current framework, while perhaps not perfect, is perfectly acceptable, particularly to those currently thriving within it. Why invite chaos when you can simply optimize existing inefficiencies?”

Critics of the trade deal, primarily small businesses and environmental groups, were conspicuously absent from the official summary of consultations. “We tried to submit our concerns, but apparently, our concerns didn’t quite fit the ‘optimizing existing frameworks’ mandate,” said Maria Sanchez, a representative for a coalition of local farmers. “It seems ‘tweaking’ means not touching anything that might upset the large corporations.”

Sources close to the negotiations suggest the primary goal of the consultations was to generate a report confirming what everyone already suspected: that the path of least resistance is also the path of least change.

The Mexican government is now expected to present its findings to its North American partners, presumably with a recommendation to continue doing exactly what they’re doing, just with slightly better paperwork.