GENESEO, NY – Local man Darren 'D-Money' Jenkins, 34, was formally charged with animal neglect this week after authorities discovered 12 animals in his care had been left without food or water. Investigators noted that not only were the animals severely malnourished, but they also lacked any discernible online presence or brand partnerships.

“Our primary concern is always the welfare of the animals,” stated Officer Brenda Higgins of the Geneseo Animal Control unit. “But in this day and age, it’s frankly irresponsible to own a dozen pets and not have at least one of them with a verified Instagram account or a TikTok deal with a pet food company. The lack of basic content creation was almost as shocking as the lack of fresh water.”

Sources close to the investigation suggest Jenkins had initially acquired the animals—a mix of exotic birds, a 'rescue' ferret, and several breeds of designer dogs—with the express purpose of launching a multi-platform pet influencer empire. “He kept talking about ‘synergy’ and ‘optimizing their adorable-to-follower ratio,’” recounted a former associate, who wished to remain anonymous. “But then he just… stopped posting. And apparently, stopped feeding them.”

Animal welfare advocates are calling for stricter regulations on pet ownership, including mandatory social media audits. “If you can’t even get your chinchilla to trend, maybe you shouldn’t have a chinchilla,” commented Dr. Evelyn Reed, a leading expert in animal-human digital interaction. “It’s about responsibility. And likes.”

Jenkins is currently out on bail, reportedly attempting to leverage his mugshot into a true-crime podcast deal for his next venture.