NEW YORK, NY — In what aviation experts are calling a 'statistical anomaly that really highlights the importance of seatbelts,' an Air Canada Express flight attendant was found alive on the LaGuardia tarmac Sunday, still firmly attached to her aircraft seat after being ejected during a collision with a fire truck. Her first words upon regaining consciousness were reportedly a demand for more personal space.

“She was remarkably coherent, all things considered,” stated Dr. Evelyn Reed, head of emergency services at Mount Sinai Queens. “Her initial assessment wasn't about her injuries, but rather the ‘unacceptable proximity’ of the seat back in front of her, despite there being no seat in front of her. She also mentioned the tray table was stuck in the upright position.”

The incident occurred when the incoming regional jet clipped a fire truck on the runway, resulting in a dramatic, albeit brief, flight for the attendant and her designated seating apparatus. Air Canada officials are reportedly reviewing the incident, not for safety protocols, but to understand how their standard economy seat managed to survive such an impact with its structural integrity largely intact.

“This is unprecedented data for our seating department,” said Air Canada spokesperson, Brenda Wallace. “We’ve always boasted about our seats’ durability, but this… this is a new benchmark. We’re already exploring a premium 'Ejection-Tested' branding for our next generation of seating, though the legroom issue remains a sticking point.”

Witnesses reported the attendant was last seen attempting to flag down a passing baggage cart, presumably to complain about the in-flight entertainment selection.