OVERLAND PARK, KS — With the 2026 FIFA World Cup fast approaching, officials in the Kansas City metropolitan area are diligently preparing to host several matches, despite a collective, unspoken uncertainty regarding the sport of soccer itself. A recent municipal press release highlighted upcoming deadlines for event planning, conspicuously omitting any mention of understanding the game.

“We are incredibly excited to welcome the world to our vibrant city and showcase our exceptional hospitality,” stated Mayor Brenda K. Fisher, during a press conference where a large, round ball sat prominently on the podium, untouched. “Our infrastructure, our passionate community, and our world-class facilities are ready for anything… including, presumably, whatever it is they do with this ball.”

Sources close to the planning committee, who requested anonymity to avoid being assigned to the 'rules and regulations' subcommittee, confirmed a general air of bewilderment. “Look, we know it’s a big deal. Lots of running, no hands, big goals, right?” whispered one city council member. “We’ve got the stadium, the hotels, the parking. The actual game part, we’re just assuming it’s like a really long, intense halftime show.”

Local businesses are also getting into the spirit, with several sports bars reportedly stocking up on 'football' merchandise, only to realize too late they purchased NFL jerseys. “We’re just going to call it 'international football' and hope no one notices,” said one bar owner, adjusting a Patrick Mahomes jersey on a mannequin.

FIFA representatives are expected to conduct a final site visit next year, at which point local organizers hope to have at least one person on staff who can confidently explain what a penalty kick is without consulting Wikipedia.