NEW YORK, NY — Following the Priority Income Fund's declaration of a $0.4375 dividend on its 7% Series D Term Preferred Stock due 2029, a consortium of leading financial analysts has conceded they have 'absolutely no earthly idea' what any of those words mean in combination, yet unanimously advise immediate investment.

“Look, the numbers are good, the percentages are there, and it has 'Priority Income' in the name, which sounds positive,” explained Dr. Evelyn Thorne, a senior market strategist at GlobalWealth Partners, adjusting her glasses. “Beyond that, it’s a proprietary blend of financial instruments and… well, let’s just say it’s very sophisticated. Like a black box, but with more derivatives.”

The admission comes amidst growing concerns that much of the modern financial landscape has become an impenetrable labyrinth of jargon designed to obscure the underlying assets, or lack thereof. “We’ve moved past fundamentals,” stated financial influencer 'CryptoKing69' in a recent livestream. “It’s all about the narrative. And 'Priority Income Fund 7% Series D Term Preferred Stock due 2029' sounds like a narrative that wants to make you money, even if nobody can explain how.”

One anonymous broker confessed, “My advice is based 90% on gut feeling and 10% on whether I can pronounce the ticker symbol. This one sounds important.”

The fund’s board, however, remains confident in its strategy, noting that the consistent dividend payouts are proof that whatever it is they're doing, it's working. Investors are encouraged to consult their financial advisors, who are also probably just guessing.