WASHINGTON D.C. — In a move designed to bring greater transparency and mystical alignment to financial markets, the Federal Reserve announced today that future interest rate adjustments will be determined via daily Ouija board sessions. The decision comes as market expectations for rate cuts have swung wildly, prompting officials to seek guidance beyond traditional economic indicators.

“Frankly, the models just aren’t cutting it anymore,” stated Fed Chair Jerome Powell, speaking through a medium during a press conference held in a dimly lit, incense-filled chamber. “One day, everyone’s convinced we’re cutting rates; the next, they’re sure we’re hiking. It’s exhausting. The spirits, however, offer a clarity that GDP reports simply cannot.”

The inaugural session, broadcast live on the Fed’s new TikTok channel, saw the planchette hover uncertainly over 'HOLD' for several tense minutes before ultimately spelling out 'WAIT AND SEE.' Analysts immediately lauded the new policy for its nuanced ambiguity. “It’s brilliant,” commented financial pundit Bethany ‘Blinky’ McRib. “It perfectly captures the current market mood of profound indecision and vague anxiety. Plus, it’s a lot cheaper than hiring another 50 economists.”

Critics, primarily from the 'rational economics' camp, expressed concern, but their voices were largely drowned out by the enthusiastic chatter of day traders attempting to predict the Ouija board’s next move based on lunar cycles and squirrel migrations. The Fed confirmed that future sessions would incorporate a 'spirit animal' consultant and a crystal grid to enhance predictive accuracy.

Ultimately, the Fed hopes this new approach will stabilize market expectations by replacing complex data analysis with the simple, undeniable wisdom of the great beyond. Investors are advised to consult their local astrologer before making any major portfolio decisions.