WASHINGTON D.C. – The biotech sector collectively exhaled this week following news that Dr. Vinay Prasad, a Food and Drug Administration official described as ‘polarizing’ by those who prefer their drugs approved quickly, is stepping down. Industry insiders are hailing the move as a return to common sense, where the primary metric for medical advancement is market capitalization, not pesky clinical trial data.

“For too long, we’ve been bogged down by… well, ‘science,’ I suppose you’d call it,” stated Dr. Reginald ‘Reggie’ Thorne, CEO of BioGenius Corp., whose stock immediately surged 15% on the news. “Dr. Prasad had this curious habit of asking for things like ‘evidence’ and ‘long-term safety studies.’ It really stifled our ability to innovate at the speed of quarterly earnings reports.”

Sources close to the FDA, who wished to remain anonymous to avoid being labeled ‘polarizing,’ confirmed that Dr. Prasad’s departure was indeed a relief for many. “He just didn’t understand the delicate dance between public health and shareholder value,” one official confided. “Sometimes, you just have to trust that a company’s PR department knows what’s best for humanity.”

Analysts predict a boom in 'novel' therapies and 'disruptive' treatments, many of which will likely be approved based on compelling PowerPoint presentations and the sheer enthusiasm of their venture capitalist backers. The FDA is reportedly considering replacing the traditional peer review process with a TikTok challenge, ensuring maximum engagement and minimal scientific rigor.