GADSDEN, AL — In a groundbreaking move to ensure students are “job-ready” from day one, Gadsden State College’s Construction Technology program has announced that all incoming students will now be required to build their own on-campus housing, effectively turning tuition into a down payment on forced labor.

“We believe in hands-on learning,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, Dean of Applied Sciences, while gesturing towards a half-finished dormitory structure. “Why should our students waste time in theoretical classrooms when they could be out here, in the Alabama sun, learning the true value of a dollar… specifically, the dollars they’re paying us to do this.”

The initiative, dubbed ‘Build-to-Learn,’ replaces traditional internships and nonprofit partnerships with a direct mandate for students to contribute to the college’s expansion plans. Critics suggest the program is a thinly veiled cost-cutting measure, but college officials insist it’s about fostering a “sense of ownership” among the student body.

“When these students graduate, they won’t just have a diploma; they’ll have a tangible, load-bearing structure they helped erect,” explained campus facilities manager, Gary ‘The Hammer’ Henderson, wiping sweat from his brow. “And if they want to live in it, well, that’s just extra motivation to get the plumbing right.”

Future plans for the program include students fabricating their own cafeteria tables, installing campus Wi-Fi networks, and potentially even digging their own swimming pool, ensuring a comprehensive, if exhausting, educational experience. The college also hinted at a new 'Advanced Plumbing' course where students will be responsible for unclogging all campus toilets.