NEW YORK, NY – Leaders within the collegiate sports industrial complex are reportedly reeling from the discovery that Name, Image, and Likeness (NIL) deals are being actively pursued and secured by student-athletes, often with the express purpose of financial gain. This unforeseen consequence has prompted calls for immediate reevaluation of the entire system.

“We envisioned a world where athletes might, you know, occasionally get a free sandwich for a social media post, or maybe a discount on a car if they were really, really good,” stated Chip Sterling, CEO of the Collegiate Athletics Oversight Committee, from his custom-built skybox. “What we’re seeing now are actual, legitimate business transactions. It’s…unseemly. It feels manufactured, like someone is deliberately trying to pay these young adults for their marketable skills.”

Experts suggest the issue stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of human nature. “When you tell someone they can earn money for something they’re already doing, they tend to try and earn money,” explained Dr. Evelyn Reed, a behavioral economist at the University of Southern California. “It’s a bizarre phenomenon, I know, but it’s been observed repeatedly throughout history.”

Sources close to the committee suggest a new task force is being formed to explore solutions, including a potential cap on how much “likeness” an athlete can have, or perhaps a mandatory 80% administrative fee on all earnings to ensure the purity of amateurism is maintained. The goal, Sterling added, is to return to a time when only the institutions were allowed to make vast sums of money from unpaid labor.