AMES, IA — In a move lauded by sports analysts as both encouraging and subtly demotivating, Iowa State's Audi Crooks has been named a second-team All-American by Sporting News. The esteemed designation officially recognizes Crooks as among the nation's elite, but with a crucial asterisk indicating others were deemed slightly more elite.

“It’s a truly unique honor,” stated Dr. Reginald 'Reggie' Piffle, head of the Collegiate Sports Stratification Institute. “We want to celebrate these incredible athletes, but also maintain a healthy competitive tension. The 'second team' is perfect for that. It says, ‘You’re phenomenal, just not *the* phenomenal.’ It’s a nuanced message, much like a silver medal that whispers, ‘Almost!’”

University officials expressed immense pride, noting that Crooks' achievement solidifies her status as a top-tier athlete who, given a few more bounces, might have been a top-top-tier athlete. “Audi has demonstrated an unparalleled commitment to being really, really good, but not quite *the* best,” said Athletic Director Brenda McMillan. “Her dedication to being the second-best version of herself is truly inspiring to our entire athletic program, and frankly, a realistic goal for many of our students.”

The award is expected to boost Crooks’ profile, potentially leading to lucrative endorsement deals for products that are also excellent, but perhaps not the absolute premium choice. Industry experts predict a surge in offers for things like 'premium-adjacent' athletic wear and 'top-shelf-minus-one' energy drinks.

Crooks is reportedly training harder than ever, aiming for the elusive 'first team' next season, or at least a 'first-team-alternate-with-a-strong-argument' spot.