HOLLYWOOD – A groundbreaking new initiative, quietly rolled out this week, now obliges A-list celebrities to meticulously curate and broadcast their children's everyday lives across social media. The mandate aims to utilize their immense visibility to normalize the existence of various demographics, particularly those who have historically struggled for basic recognition as fully formed individuals.

“It’s really about burdening the already burdened, but for a good cause,” explained Dr. Evelyn Thorne, director of the newly formed Department of Essential Public Visibility. “For too long, the average citizen has been forced to grapple with complex societal biases on their own. Now, with a few strategically placed Instagram stories of a child eating cereal or doing homework, we can offload that heavy lifting onto people with 50 million followers.”

Critics argue the policy places an undue burden on celebrity parents, forcing them to turn their children into unwitting social justice ambassadors. However, proponents counter that the emotional labor of constantly proving one's humanity is a small price to pay for those who can afford private jets. “Think of it as a public service announcement, but with more brand deals,” added Thorne.

The program is expected to expand, with future phases potentially requiring reality TV stars to demonstrate basic empathy and billionaires to prove they understand the concept of a grocery store.