WASHINGTON D.C. — After nearly four years of legislative wrangling, design revisions, and what sources described as 'existential debates about font size,' a plaque honoring law enforcement officers who responded to the Jan. 6 Capitol attack has finally been installed. The breakthrough came when a junior intern suggested making the plaque slightly less enormous.

Originally mandated in March 2022, the commemorative item spent years gathering dust in a Capitol basement, reportedly due to a 'design problem' that rendered it incompatible with the building's exterior. Critics had long pointed to the delay as a symbol of congressional dysfunction, but a spokesperson for the Architect of the Capitol, Brenda Holloway, clarified the complexity.

“It wasn’t just a plaque; it was a statement,” Holloway explained. “And statements, particularly those involving historical events and bipartisan agreement, tend to be physically quite large. Our initial designs reflected that gravitas. Unfortunately, the Capitol building itself, a structure built before the advent of modern 'statement-sized' commemorative objects, proved uncooperative.”

The 'simple workaround' involved reducing the plaque’s dimensions by approximately 15% and, according to an anonymous source, 'just screwing it into the wall where there was space.' The move has been hailed as a triumph of common sense over, well, whatever the previous problem was.

“This is a proud day for America,” declared Senator Mitch O’Connell (R-KY), admiring the newly affixed bronze. “It proves that with enough time, resources, and a willingness to compromise on the physical manifestation of our collective memory, even the most daunting bureaucratic hurdles can be overcome.”

Experts believe the successful installation could pave the way for other long-stalled congressional projects, such as deciding on a unified coffee brand for committee meetings or agreeing on the precise shade of beige for office walls.