Veldhoven, Netherlands – ASML, the Dutch company whose lithography machines are indispensable for manufacturing advanced semiconductors, announced today a groundbreaking new initiative: a 'Global AI Tax' on all future artificial intelligence. The move comes after the company reportedly realized its near-monopoly on the technology required to produce the chips powering the AI revolution.

“Frankly, without our extreme ultraviolet (EUV) lithography, AI would still be calculating whether a hot dog is a sandwich using an abacus,” stated Dr. Ingrid Van Der Meer, ASML’s newly appointed Chief Intellectual Property Monetization Officer. “We’ve decided that since we enable the thinking, we should get a cut of the thoughts. It’s only fair.”

The proposed tax, which ASML suggests will be a modest 0.5% of all AI-generated content, decisions, or even hypothetical future sentient musings, has sent shockwaves through the tech industry. Major players like Nvidia, Intel, and TSMC are reportedly scrambling to understand the implications, with some executives seen openly weeping into their quarterly reports.

“We knew they were important, but this is like finding out the guy who sells you flour suddenly owns all baking,” lamented a visibly shaken CEO of a prominent AI startup, who wished to remain anonymous. “Does this mean every time my chatbot writes a haiku, ASML gets a royalty? What about when it dreams of electric sheep?”

ASML clarified that the tax would be collected at the point of AI generation, with a sophisticated blockchain-based monitoring system currently being developed by an AI, presumably also taxed by ASML.