CUPERTINO, CA – Apple today announced the revolutionary new MacBook Neo, a device so far ahead of its M-series predecessors that the company has issued a public service announcement advising recent MacBook Pro owners to simply laugh it off. The Neo, boasting a never-before-seen 'M-Infinity' chip, reportedly renders all previous Apple silicon as computationally relevant as a particularly enthusiastic abacus.

“We understand that some of our loyal customers may have purchased an M3 MacBook Pro as recently as, well, yesterday,” stated Apple’s Senior Vice President of Perpetual Innovation, Dr. Evelyn P. Dantic, during the launch event. “And to those individuals, we say: thank you for your service. Your early adoption helped fund the research and development of something truly great. Just not for you, specifically.”

The company highlighted the Neo’s unprecedented performance, which includes the ability to render 8K video in real-time while simultaneously running 30 Chrome tabs and questioning the meaning of existence. Benchmarks released by Apple show the Neo outperforming the M3 Ultra by a margin described by analysts as 'mathematically impolite.'

Industry observer Chad 'TechBro' Johnson noted, “This is classic Apple. They don’t just innovate; they invalidate. It’s not about buying the best; it’s about buying the best *until next Tuesday*.” Apple clarified that while the Neo is significantly faster, it still requires a dongle for basic human interaction.