NEW YORK, NY – Financial analysts across the globe are reportedly 'not surprised' that the so-called 'momentum trades' of early 2024, including gold, silver, and South Korean equities, are now plummeting. The revelation comes after a year of breathless financial commentary suggesting these assets were the 'smart money' alternative to overvalued U.S. tech stocks.

“It turns out, predicting the future is still incredibly difficult, even when you have a Bloomberg terminal and a really expensive suit,” admitted Dr. Evelyn Thorne, lead researcher at the Institute for Financial Serendipity. “Our extensive data analysis shows a 99.8% correlation between a financial analyst’s conviction in a 'hot new trend' and that trend subsequently becoming a 'cautionary tale.' The remaining 0.2% is just statistical noise, probably from a squirrel accidentally hitting the buy button.”

Investors, who enthusiastically piled into these assets after being told they were 'diversifying' and 'smartly rotating capital,' are now reportedly asking if they can get their money back. A spokesperson for 'Global Asset Management Solutions' (GAMS) stated, “Our strategy is always to be ahead of the curve. Unfortunately, sometimes the curve is a circle, and we end up right back where we started, just poorer.”

The report concludes that the most reliable investment strategy remains buying low and selling high, a concept experts are still struggling to implement consistently.

Meanwhile, the search for the next 'can’t-miss' momentum trade has already begun, with experts now eyeing artisanal sourdough starter futures.