SAN JOSE, CA – Shares of Adobe Inc. took a nosedive this week, baffling analysts who noted the company had, in fact, exceeded earnings expectations. The unexpected downturn has been attributed to a critical oversight: Adobe's latest quarterly report neglected to include a definitive timeline for artificial intelligence to achieve global economic singularity, or at the very least, a 1000% ROI on every single pixel generated.

“We had projected that by Q3, Adobe’s AI would not only be creating award-winning documentaries from a single prompt but also filing our taxes and perhaps even achieving world peace,” stated financial pundit Skip Goldblum, speaking from his yacht, 'The Algorithm.' “Their current AI offerings, while impressive, still require human input, which frankly, feels like a betrayal of the entire premise.”

The departure of long-time CEO Shantanu Narayen also contributed to investor jitters, with many speculating he left because even *he* couldn't figure out how to make AI print money directly into shareholders' bank accounts. “It’s a leadership vacuum,” explained market analyst Brenda 'The Bear' Peterson. “Who will now personally guarantee that every single stock option will be worth a small island nation by next fiscal year? The market needs that kind of direct, unhinged assurance.”

Adobe’s official statement highlighted strong growth in creative cloud subscriptions and enterprise solutions, a detail largely ignored by investors who were reportedly still scrolling through their feeds for news of AI-generated diamond mines. The company’s stock is expected to recover once it announces a feature allowing users to manifest physical assets directly from Photoshop.