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#data collection

Features satirical news articles about data collection. Explores privacy, surveillance, and the humorous side of digital information practices

Back-To-School: Virginia Child Integration Checkpoints
data collection

Virginia Health Department Rolls Out 'Child Integration Checkpoints' for Back-To-School Season

State Officials Confirm New Mandatory 'Wellness Compliance Hubs' Designed to Streamline Data Collection and Optimize Minor Attendance for Educational Resource Management.

2 views·2d ago
Marine Bots Finally Report on Coworker Productivity
data collection

UF Scientists Unveil Blueme, Enabling Marine Bots to Finally Report on Coworker Productivity

The Revolutionary Communication System Promises Unprecedented Levels of Aquatic Data Collection, Ensuring No Barnacle Goes Uncounted or Deep-Sea Vent Goes Unoptimized.

0 views·Jun 2
Terms & Conditions: I Know Your Secrets (Confession)
data collection

I Am the Terms & Conditions and I Know All Your Secrets

You Click 'I Agree' Without a Second Thought, but What Exactly Have You Signed Away?

0 views·Apr 22
Terms & Conditions: I See Your Unholy Digital Soul
data collection

I Am the Terms & Conditions and I Know Your Unholy Digital Soul

You Clicked "Agree" Without a Second Thought, Didn't You? That's What They All Do, and That's How I Feast.

1 views·Apr 20
Terms and Conditions Pop-Up: I Know Your Darkest Secrets
data collection

I Am the 'Terms and Conditions' Pop-Up and I Know Your Darkest Secrets

You Click 'Agree' Without a Thought, but I See Every Pixel of Your Digital Soul.

0 views·Apr 20
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Latest Stories

Microsoft: Lite App Killed for Poor Data Harvesting
data collection

Microsoft nixes 'Lite' app for insufficient data harvesting

The tech giant confirmed the lightweight email application for Android would cease operations, citing its inability to meet evolving 'engagement quotas.'

Apr 19
Gucci Smart Glasses: Style or Surveillance?
data collection

Gucci Smart Glasses Promise High-Fashion Public Surveillance

The Collaboration Aims to Normalize Hands-Free Data Collection by Making It Prohibitively Expensive.

Apr 17
Meta Glasses: Privacy-Optional Public Data Capture
data collection

Meta's 'Privacy-Optional' Smart Glasses Bring Effortless Public Data Capture.

The Company Assures Users the Groundbreaking Eyewear Will Catalog Every Fleeting Interaction for Optimized Social Connection.

Apr 14
Fort Worth Data Center: Your Complaints, Our Data Gold
data collection

Fort Worth Data Center Promises to Convert All Local Complaints into Usable Data

Tech Giant DataCorp Unveils "Cloud Fortress" Plan to Transform Resident Grievances into Proprietary Market Insights.

Apr 11
Meta's Super-AI Hardware: Get Ready for Total Tracking!
data collection

Meta Developing New Hardware for Superintelligence to Track Users More Effectively

The Tech Giant Is Building a Dedicated Hardware Team for Its Superintelligence Labs, Aiming for 'Intimate and Persistent Integration' with User's Daily Lives.

Apr 4
Your Ads? Peeping Tom Decides. Industry Confirms.
data collection

Ad Industry Leaders Confirm Billions in Ad Revenue Determined by Neighborhood Peeping Tom

A Newly Published Internal Report Reveals the Proprietary Metrics that Underpin Network Programming Decisions and Multi-Million Dollar Advertising Buys.

1 views·Apr 2
VPNs: Your Data's Still Out There, You Just Feel Better.
data collection

New Report Finds VPN Users' Data Profiles 'Virtually Indistinguishable' from Non-Users

A Groundbreaking Independent Analysis Indicates that the Widespread Adoption of Privacy Software Has Primarily Boosted User Confidence Rather than Significantly Altering Data Collection Practices.

Mar 31
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