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#shohei ohtani

Aggregating satirical news and comedic takes on Shohei Ohtani. Discover humorous articles about the baseball superstar's career, achievements & life

MLB Introduces 'Most Valuable Non-Ohtani' Award to Keep Hope Alive
League Officially Acknowledges Current Metrics Are Insufficient to Recognize Mere Mortals' Accomplishments.
Ohtani selflessly dedicates single, full effort to pitching
The strategic decision to focus solely on one aspect of his job is hailed as a monumental act of athletic sacrifice.
Ohtani's Continued Excellence Depletes Sportswriters' Adjective Reserves
The Dodgers Phenomenon's Latest Record-Setting Performance Has Forced Multiple Sports Networks to Issue an Emergency Thesaurus Directive.
MLB Confirms Dodgers' Immense Payroll 'Performing as Expected'
League Confirms $1.4 Billion Roster’s 13-0 Victory and Five Home Runs Were within Predicted Parameters for Optimal Financial Performance.
MLB Institutes Rule: Prospects Must Debut as Top-5 All-Time Players
The League Confirms New Players Will No Longer Be Allowed to Simply Be 'Promising,' Requiring Instant Legendary Status.

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