#data monetization
Satirical news on data monetization. Explores privacy implications, big tech's use of personal data, and profit strategies
Luxottica's New Smart Glasses Will Finally Bring Corporate Surveillance Directly to Your Face
The Eyewear Giant Claims the Revolutionary New Technology Will Allow Users to Monetize Their Blinks, Gaze Duration, and Existential Dread.
First Contact Confirms Aliens Are Here to Monetize Your Personal Data.
Galactic Delegation Immediately Seeks User Agreements for All Sentient Life on Earth.
Billionaire Family Offices Unveil New 'Human Activity Alpha' Investment Strategy
After Optimizing Professional Tiddlywinks, Elite Funds Eye Every Human Twitch and Blink for Roi.
NFL Unveils 2026-27 "Engagement Forecasts," Boasts AI Has Reduced Spontaneous Play to a Manageable 7%
League Assures Investors That Two-Year Advance Projections Guarantee Optimal Ad Impression Delivery, with Organic Human Drama Now Merely an Input Variable.
Fintech CEO Discovers Revolutionary Profit Driver: Making Employees 'Feel' Valued
The Innovative Model Monetizes Subjective Well-Being Data, Yielding Triple-Digit Returns on Emotional Investment.
AI Unlocks New Markets in Human Regret and Forgotten Passwords
Insurance Giant Aon Announces Groundbreaking Applications for Machine Learning, Promising Unprecedented Growth Through the Monetization of Previously Sacred Mental Real Estate.
AI Models Now Learning Corporate Passive Aggression From Defunct Startups
Venture Capitalists Report Record ROI on the Collective Digital Detritus of Failed Tech Ventures, Predicting Future AI Will Be Fluent in 'Circling Back' and 'Synergy.'
Book Deal Reveals New Novel Will Target Reader's 'Emotional Purchase Triggers'
'Heavy Sugar' Aims to Be the First Literary Work Designed Primarily for Hyper-Personalized Ad Delivery within Its Own Narrative.
Academics Stunned to Learn Data Voluntarily Given to Corporations Gets Used
After Years of Meticulous Observation, Researchers Confirm that Digital Platforms Are Leveraging User Information.
