TORONTO – The Toronto Tempo has officially brought on two-time WNBA champion Olaf Lange as associate head coach, a move insiders suggest was primarily driven by the team’s desire to have ‘a guy who’s been around’ in the coaching ranks. The announcement highlighted Lange’s past successes, but sources close to the organization indicated his most valuable asset was his sheer, unadulterated presence in the sport for decades.

“We looked at a lot of candidates, but Olaf really stood out because, well, he’s been there, done that, and then been there again,” explained Tempo General Manager Brenda Walsh, adjusting her glasses. “It’s not about specific plays or revolutionary strategies; it’s about the comforting aura of someone who has witnessed many, many basketball games. That kind of historical perspective is invaluable.”

Lange, a veteran coach with a storied career, expressed enthusiasm for his new role, reportedly stating, “I’m just excited to keep showing up. That’s always been my secret weapon. Just… being here.” Team officials confirmed that Lange’s contract includes a clause for mandatory ‘old stories about the good old days’ during timeouts, which is expected to boost team morale or at least provide a distraction.

“Our players need stability, and what’s more stable than a man who has consistently been employed in the same industry for years?” added Walsh. “We believe his ability to simply exist within the professional basketball ecosystem will be a huge advantage for us.”

The Tempo hopes Lange’s long-standing professional existence will translate into wins, or at the very least, ensure someone remembers where the keys to the practice facility are.