OLYMPIA, WA – In a bold move signaling an unprecedented level of legislative foresight, Washington state lawmakers have overwhelmingly passed a bill prohibiting employers from requiring workers to teleport to their jobs. The legislation, which awaits Governor Jay Inslee’s signature, aims to preemptively safeguard employee rights against a technology that does not yet exist.
“While we haven’t seen a single instance of an employer demanding their staff spontaneously rematerialize in the breakroom, we believe in getting ahead of these things,” stated State Senator Evelyn Reed, chief sponsor of the bill. “The last thing we want is for a future Amazon or Microsoft to start offering ‘teleportation-friendly’ contracts that subtly pressure employees into spatial displacement. We’re drawing a line in the sand, or rather, in the spacetime continuum.”
The bill also includes provisions for “anti-wormhole discrimination” and mandates that any future teleportation devices used by employees must be “reasonable and accommodate existing human physiology, including a minimum of three minutes for re-coalescence.” Critics, primarily from the nascent 'Quantum Leap' lobby, argue the legislation stifles innovation.
“This is a classic case of government overreach,” said Dr. Aris Thorne, CEO of Temporal Dynamics Corp., a company currently researching faster-than-light travel. “How are we supposed to develop the next generation of workforce efficiency if we’re already being told we can’t demand our employees instantly appear at a board meeting in Tokyo?”
The state legislature is reportedly already drafting bills to ban mandatory time travel and sentient AI overlords, just to be safe.
