WASHINGTON D.C. – The Trump campaign today announced a groundbreaking new 'Thought Visa' program designed to attract and retain foreign researchers whose academic pursuits pose no threat whatsoever to the prevailing political discourse. The program, officially titled the 'Ideological Alignment & National Narrative Enhancement' (IANNE) visa, promises expedited processing for scholars focusing on topics like the inherent goodness of all political rallies, the scientifically proven benefits of robust social media engagement without moderation, and the economic advantages of unverified information.

“We’re simply looking for the best and brightest minds who understand that some ideas are just… better than others,” stated campaign spokesperson Brenda Carmichael, adjusting a 'Make America Think Again' hat. “Why waste valuable immigration resources on people who want to study, say, the nuances of election integrity or the societal impact of viral misinformation? We need researchers who are ready to hit the ground running, confirming what we already know to be true.”

Critics, including a newly formed coalition of 'Fact-Curious Academics,' immediately decried the program as a thinly veiled attempt to weaponize immigration policy against intellectual freedom. “This isn’t about national security; it’s about narrative security,” remarked Dr. Aris Thorne, a professor of media studies whose own visa renewal is currently 'under review.' “They’re essentially offering green cards for agreeable opinions.”

The campaign maintains the IANNE visa is a boon for academic efficiency, ensuring that research dollars are spent on studies that truly matter, like the definitive link between strong leadership and excellent golf handicaps. Future plans include a 'Truth & Loyalty' fast-track for researchers willing to co-author op-eds.