WASHINGTON D.C. – The Trump campaign today announced a groundbreaking new policy proposal designed to 'fortify the sacred bonds of American identity' by introducing an 'Ancestral Purity Test' for all future citizenship applicants. The test, which campaign officials insist is 'not at all based on anything problematic from history,' will require individuals to prove a direct, unbroken line of residency within the United States dating back to at least 1870, or, failing that, demonstrate a clear genetic predisposition for 'rugged individualism' and 'unwavering loyalty to golf course real estate.'

“This isn’t about race, folks, it’s about heritage,” clarified campaign spokesperson Chadwick ‘Chad’ Worthington III, adjusting his perfectly knotted tie. “We just want to make sure new citizens have that good old-fashioned American grit, that pioneering spirit. You know, the kind that lets you build an empire out of nothing but inherited wealth and questionable labor practices.” Worthington added that the test would also include a mandatory pop quiz on the proper pronunciation of 'yacht' and an essay portion on why 'the good old days' were, in fact, objectively better.

Legal scholars were quick to point out the striking similarities between the proposed test and various historical attempts to restrict citizenship based on arbitrary and discriminatory criteria. Dr. Eleanor Vance, a professor of constitutional law at the University of the South, noted, “It’s remarkable how consistently certain ideas resurface, like a bad penny or a politician’s unfulfilled promise. The only difference now is the added layer of performative patriotism and the implied threat of a poorly Photoshopped eagle.”

The campaign maintains the new test is merely a 'common-sense measure' to ensure that only the 'most American' of individuals are granted the privilege of citizenship. Critics, however, suggest it’s just another attempt to rewrite the rules of who belongs, while conveniently ignoring the inconvenient fact that most American families arrived here under circumstances that would now be deemed 'un-American.'

Future citizens will also be required to demonstrate a proven ability to complain about trivial inconveniences with unbridled passion.