WASHINGTON D.C. – Former President Donald Trump has unveiled a visionary new foreign policy doctrine, dubbed 'Global Burden-Sharing,' which redefines international collaboration by tasking other nations with the entirety of global responsibilities. The initiative, reportedly conceived during a brainstorming session involving a map and a sharpie, seeks to optimize American resources by ensuring they are never actually deployed.

“Look, we’ve got the best burdens, everyone knows it. Tremendous burdens,” Trump stated in a recent press conference held in the Mar-a-Lago ballroom. “But why should *we* carry them? We’re very busy. Other countries, they have plenty of time. They should be honored to carry our burdens. It’s a win-win.”

The plan, which sources close to the former president describe as 'brilliantly simple,' involves the United States identifying global challenges and then politely, yet firmly, requesting other nations to solve them. “It’s like a potluck, but we bring the empty plates and everyone else brings the food,” explained Dr. Fiona Plum, a self-proclaimed 'International Relations Optimization Strategist' and former golf course architect. “The U.S. provides the vision, the moral support, and occasionally, a strongly worded tweet.”

Critics of the plan, primarily located in every other country, have raised concerns about its feasibility. “We’re still trying to understand what ‘burden-sharing’ means when one party exclusively shares the burden and the other exclusively shares the concept of the burden,” commented a bewildered diplomat from an unnamed European nation. “It feels less like a partnership and more like a very expensive suggestion box.”

Trump’s team remains undeterred, confident that the sheer audacity of the proposal will compel international compliance, or at least generate enough confusion to buy time until the next election cycle.