MIAMI, FL – In a groundbreaking development, Team USA officials have announced that the availability of All-Star closer Mason Miller for Tuesday’s World Baseball Classic championship game is, in fact, still to be determined. The highly anticipated update confirmed what many had already suspected: a decision cannot be made until it is made.

Padres manager Craig Stammen, serving as a Team USA spokesperson, delivered the pivotal non-update, stating, “We are actively determining the determination of his availability. We anticipate a determination will be made at the appropriate time, which is, by definition, when we determine it.” This statement has sent shockwaves through the sports world, as fans grapple with the profound implications of future events remaining in the future.

“This is unprecedented clarity on a lack of clarity,” remarked Dr. Evelyn Hayes, a professor of temporal linguistics at the University of Phoenix Online. “To explicitly state that a decision is TBD elevates the TBD from a mere placeholder to a philosophical declaration. It’s a bold move, acknowledging the inherent unknowability of the not-yet-known.”

Miller himself, when asked about his status, reportedly shrugged and said, “I’ll be available if I’m available. If I’m not, I won’t be.” This insight has been hailed as a masterclass in tautological communication, further solidifying the team’s commitment to only revealing information once it has become information.

Team USA expects to issue another update at some point, provided that point arrives.