KABUL – The interim Taliban government has unveiled a new initiative, the 'Gender Performance Review,' designed to ensure all citizens are adequately conforming to prescribed gender roles. The announcement follows what officials describe as a concerning rise in 'gender fluidity' among young girls, who are increasingly adopting male disguises to navigate the country's restrictive social landscape.

“Our society thrives on clear distinctions,” stated Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, a spokesperson for the Ministry for the Propagation of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, in a televised address. “When a girl dresses as a boy, it creates confusion. It’s like putting a square peg in a round hole, only the hole is our sacred traditions and the peg is… well, you get the idea. We simply wish to ensure everyone is performing their God-given role with appropriate conviction.”

The new review process will reportedly involve mandatory public appearance assessments and, in some cases, 'cultural sensitivity training' for families found to be enabling what the regime calls 'gender-bending contrivances.' Critics suggest the move is a desperate attempt to solidify control amidst widespread humanitarian crises.

“It’s a bold move to tackle the nation’s most pressing issues, like whether a 10-year-old girl is wearing pants,” commented Dr. Fatima Zahra, a former university professor now operating an underground school. “Perhaps next they’ll address the economy by banning left-handedness.”

Sources close to the Ministry indicate that future phases might include 'gender-affirming re-education camps' for particularly egregious cases, ensuring that no girl inadvertently experiences the benefits of male privilege.