WASHINGTON D.C. — In a landmark display of legislative efficiency, the U.S. Senate has advanced a sweeping new housing bill that guarantees every American citizen access to a slightly smaller, yet structurally sound, cardboard box. The bipartisan initiative, dubbed the 'Compact Living and Dignity Act,' aims to address the nation's housing crisis by redefining 'housing' down to its most fundamental, collapsible form.

“This bill ensures that no American will ever be without a place to call their own, provided that place can be folded flat and stored under a bridge,” stated Senator Mildred Finch (R-WY), co-sponsor of the bill. “We’ve listened to the people, and they want affordability, portability, and the subtle scent of recycled paper. This delivers on all fronts.”

The legislation reportedly includes a provision for a 'luxury model' box, featuring a pre-perforated window and a small, non-load-bearing flap for privacy. Critics argue the bill doesn't go far enough, pointing out the lack of running water or protection from inclement weather. However, Senator Finch countered, “Those are amenities, not necessities. We’re focused on the basics here. Plus, think of the ecological benefits – zero carbon footprint, unless you count the manufacturing of the box itself.”

Experts from the newly formed Department of Cardboard Housing have begun drafting guidelines for optimal box placement, suggesting 'well-ventilated alleyways' and 'underneath overpasses with good natural light' as prime locations. The bill is expected to pass the House with similar bipartisan support, largely due to its low fiscal impact and the convenient ability for lawmakers to claim they 'solved' the housing crisis.