LES EYZIES, FRANCE — After years of meticulous study and millions in grant funding, a team of international researchers has conclusively determined that the Paleolithic cave paintings at Font-de-Gaume are, to a surprising degree, ancient. The study, published Monday in the *Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences*, marks the first 'absolute dating' of the artworks, confirming what local schoolchildren have intuitively understood for generations.

“We can now state with 99.9% certainty that these paintings were not, for instance, commissioned last Tuesday,” stated lead researcher Dr. Elara Vance, a paleo-chronologist at the CNRS. “Our sophisticated carbon-14 analysis and advanced statistical modeling have peeled back the layers of time, revealing an age that can only be described as… old. Very, very old.” Dr. Vance reportedly celebrated the discovery by taking a well-deserved nap.

The findings are expected to have profound implications for the field of archaeology, primarily by providing a definitive answer to the pressing question, 'Are these old?' which, until now, had been largely speculative. "It's a huge step forward for science," commented Dr. Miles Corbin, a cultural anthropologist not involved in the study. "Now we can move on to the next big question: 'Are they good?'"

Funding for the next phase of research, which will attempt to ascertain if the artists were paid in berries or small, shiny rocks, is already being sought.