NEW ORLEANS, LA — The New Orleans Saints organization has reportedly committed a staggering $113 million to secure the services of running back Travis Etienne Jr. and offensive guard David Edwards, sources close to the team confirmed today. The massive financial outlay, spread across two separate four-year deals, has left many wondering if the team plans to simply run the ball every single down, or perhaps just pay someone to stand really close to the quarterback.

“We believe in building from the ground up,” stated Saints General Manager Mickey Loomis, reportedly while gesturing vaguely towards a whiteboard with a single drawing of a very large pile of cash. “And by 'ground up,' we mean the part of the ground where the running back runs and the guard blocks. The air above that? We’ll get to it.”

Critics, however, were quick to point out the team's current lack of a definitive starting quarterback, a position traditionally considered somewhat important in modern professional football. “It’s a bold strategy, Cotton,” remarked veteran sports analyst Skip Bayless, who was reportedly seen frantically checking if the Saints had accidentally signed a highly-rated punter for $50 million. “You’ve got the car, you’ve got the gas, but you forgot the engine. Or maybe you just really like pushing it.”

Sources within the organization suggest the team is now exploring options for a quarterback, with potential candidates ranging from a promising rookie to a moderately talented fan who wins a raffle. The team remains confident that whoever eventually takes snaps will be well-protected and have ample opportunity to hand the ball off.