WASHINGTON D.C. – Following the surprisingly swift conclusion of the recent U.S. engagement with Iran, the Department of Defense today unveiled its revolutionary new 'Sprint Warfare' doctrine, designed to condense complex international conflicts into highly efficient, bite-sized operations. Officials lauded the recent 10-day Iran conflict as a successful pilot program, demonstrating the model's viability.

“Why drag things out for years when you can achieve roughly the same level of global instability in under two weeks?” quipped General Buck Turgidson (ret.), now a consultant for the newly formed Rapid Resolution Command. “The key is to hit the ground running, declare victory, and then pivot to the next crisis before anyone can ask too many questions about the first one.”

The new model, which reportedly includes a mandatory 'Mission Accomplished' banner deployment on day 9, aims to satisfy the public's desire for quick results while keeping defense contractors on a tight, profitable schedule. Analysts suggest the compressed timeline also minimizes the window for pesky public opinion shifts or thorough congressional oversight.

“It’s about optimizing the news cycle,” explained Dr. Evelyn Pundit, a geopolitical strategist from the Institute for Perpetual Conflict Studies. “By the time the public fully understands what’s happening, it’s already over, and we’re on to the next thing. It’s the TikTok of international relations.” The Pentagon is reportedly already scouting locations for its next 'Sprint Warfare' demonstration, with several regions currently undergoing a rigorous 72-hour threat assessment.