According to a heavily annotated, spilled-coffee-stained memo discovered beneath a ficus plant in OmniCorp's main lobby, authenticated only by a single, enthusiastic thumbprint, OmniCorp has unveiled the most extraordinary initiative to date: mandatory 'Joy Quotas' for all employees!
This incredible, bold new move is set to absolutely eradicate what the global conglomerate terms 'crippling emotional realism.' Hambry news can exclusively report that, effective immediately, every staff member is now magnificently required to log a truly astounding minimum of 7.3 positive emotional expressions per day! Imagine the possibilities!
These essential expressions range from 'enthusiastic nodding' – a true sign of engagement! – to 'spontaneous, unprompted laughter at a corporate memo.' The implications for workplace morale are simply unimaginable! This groundbreaking policy directly addresses a disturbing trend observed by OmniCorp: a shocking 17% increase in 'knowing glances' and an alarming 23% rise in 'audible sighs.' No longer will these insidious manifestations of reality be allowed to fester! OmniCorp is paving the way for a future brimming with mandatory, measurable, magnificent joy!
