NEW YORK, NY – Global oil markets reportedly shrugged off President Donald Trump’s recent ultimatum to Iran regarding the Strait of Hormuz, with crude prices exhibiting only minor fluctuations before settling back into their usual state of mild indifference. Experts suggest that traders have become increasingly desensitized to high-stakes presidential pronouncements, preferring to base their decisions on tangible factors like supply, demand, and the occasional rogue tweet from a Saudi prince.

“At this point, a presidential decree regarding international shipping lanes has about the same market impact as a particularly aggressive pigeon in the trading pit,” stated Dr. Evelyn Reed, a geopolitical risk analyst for the firm 'Predictably Unpredictable Futures.' “There was a brief flurry of activity, mostly from junior analysts trying to remember where Hormuz is on a map, but then everyone went back to checking their fantasy football scores.”

The White House, however, maintains that the President’s firm stance was a critical factor in preventing a full-blown market panic. “The President’s decisive rhetoric ensured that oil prices didn’t, you know, do anything crazy,” explained Deputy Press Secretary Chad Remington. “His words are like a powerful sedative for global commerce. We’re basically keeping the world economy from having a caffeine overdose every Tuesday.”

Iranian officials, meanwhile, issued their own set of vague threats and counter-threats, which also failed to register significantly on the crude oil ticker. One senior trader, who asked to remain anonymous to avoid being quoted saying something interesting, simply remarked, “It’s like they’re all reading from the same old script. Wake me when someone actually does something unexpected, like invent a working fusion reactor.”

Industry insiders are now bracing for the next predictable escalation, which analysts predict will involve a strongly worded memo and absolutely no change in gasoline prices.