HOUSTON – Major oil company executives announced today that the recent spike in U.S. gasoline prices, now up 17% since geopolitical tensions escalated, is merely the industry’s traditional 'Greed Season' getting an early start. They clarified that while global events often coincide with these increases, the underlying mechanism is largely an internal decision-making process.

“Every year, around this time, we look at our balance sheets, then we look at the news, and then we look at our balance sheets again,” explained Rex Hydrocarbon, CEO of PetroCorp, from his yacht docked in the Caribbean. “It’s less about supply disruptions and more about supply-and-demand for our shareholders’ ever-increasing expectations. We call it 'market efficiency,' but internally, we just say 'it’s greed season, baby!'”

Analysts confirm that this phenomenon, often disguised as 'unforeseen global circumstances' or 'refinery maintenance issues,' typically results in record profits for energy companies. “It’s a masterclass in public relations,” noted Dr. Philomena Cashflow, an expert in corporate linguistics. “They’ve managed to convince an entire nation that their annual profit-taking spree is an act of God, or at least an act of foreign policy.”

Consumers are advised to adjust their budgets accordingly, or perhaps consider purchasing a bicycle, which, according to industry insiders, is the only mode of transport not currently being optimized for maximum executive bonus payouts.