WASHINGTON D.C. — In an unprecedented move, the federal government has unofficially recognized the opening days of NFL free agency as a de facto national holiday, citing widespread civic paralysis and an unshakeable societal focus on player movement. Offices across the country reported record-low productivity, while schools noted an inexplicable surge in 'sudden illness' among students and staff.

“We’ve seen this pattern for years,” stated Dr. Evelyn Reed, a behavioral economist at the Institute for Public Distraction. “Every March, the collective American consciousness shifts entirely to whether a 32-year-old defensive tackle will sign for $15 million or $18 million. It’s more powerful than the Super Bowl itself, because the hope is still alive for everyone.”

Sources within the White House, speaking anonymously due to the sensitivity of prioritizing sports over governance, confirmed that several key policy meetings were postponed due to senior staff being 'deeply invested' in cap space discussions. One aide reportedly missed a crucial budget briefing after being 'blindsided' by a surprise trade announcement.

“It’s not just about the players; it’s about the narrative, the speculation, the sheer, unadulterated chaos,” explained local fan Marcus Thorne, who had taken two days off work to monitor the situation. “My boss understands. He’s probably doing the same thing.”

Experts predict the nation will slowly return to baseline functionality once all the top-tier free agents have signed, or at least until the NFL Draft begins next month.